مطالب جالب و متنوع درباره زبان انگلیسی

 
 
The guide to wife translations
نویسنده : Zabih Javanbakht
تاریخ : یکشنبه سیزدهم بهمن 1387
زمان : 12:1
Geography of women
|

Between the ages of 15 - 20 a woman is like Africa.
She is half discovered, half wild.

 


Between the ages of 20 - 30 a woman is like America.
Fully discovered and scientifically perfect.

 

 


Between the ages of 30 - 35, she is like India & Japan.
Very hot, wise and beautiful !!!!!!!!!

 


Between the ages of 35 - 40 a woman is like France.
She is half destroyed after the war but still desirable.

 


Between the ages of 40 - 50 she is like Germany.
She lost the war but not the hope.

 


Between the ages of 50 - 60 she is like Russia.
Very wide, very quiet but nobody goes there.

 


Between the ages of 60 - 70 a woman is like England.
With a glorious past but no future.

 


After 70, they become Siberia.
Everyone knows where it is, but no one wants to go there...!




:: موضوعات مرتبط: Satire(طنز)
نویسنده : Zabih Javanbakht
تاریخ : پنجشنبه یازدهم مهر 1387
زمان : 21:33
Software engineer and his wife Husband
|

 

 

Software engineer and his wife Husband


- hey dear, I am logged in.

 

 

 

Wife - would you like to have some snacks?

 

Husband - hard disk full.

 

 

 

 

 

Wife - have you brought the saree.

 

Husband - Bad command or file name.

 

 

 

 

 

Wife - but I told you about it in morning

 

Husband - erroneous syntax, abort, retry, cancel.

 

 

 

 

 

Wife - hae bhagwan !forget it where's your salary.

 

Husband - file in use, read only, try after some time.

 

 

 

 

 

Wife - at least give me your credit card, I can do some shopping.

 

Husband - sharing violation, access denied.

 

 

 

 

 

Wife - I made a mistake in marrying you.

 

Husband - data type mismatch.

 

 

 

 

 

Wife - you are useless.

 

Husband - by default.

 

 

 

 

 

Wife - who was there with you in the car this morning?

 

Husband - system unstable press ctrl, alt, del to Reboot.

 

 

 

 

 

Wife - what is the relation between you & your Receptionist?

 

Husband - the only user with write permission.

 

 

 

 

 

Wife - what is my value in your life?

 

Husband - unknown virus detected.

 

 

 

 

 

Wife - do you love me or your computer?

 

Husband - Too many parameters.

 

 

 

 

 

Wife - I will go to my dad's house.

 

Husband - program performed illegal operation, it will Close.

 

 

 

 

 

Wife - I will leave you forever.

 

Husband - close all programs and log out for another User.

 

 

 

 

 

Wife - it is worthless talking to you.

 

Husband - shut down the computer.

 

 

 

 

 

Wife - I am going

 

Husband - Its now safe to turn off your computer ....!!!



:: موضوعات مرتبط: Satire(طنز)
نویسنده : Zabih Javanbakht
تاریخ : چهارشنبه شانزدهم مرداد 1387
زمان : 8:54
Most Romantic Tips
|

 Most Romantic Tips

 

 

 

 

 

 Spread rose petals all over the bedroom

 

 

 

 

 

*********

 

 

 

 What could be more classic than a fine gold locket with your photo inside?Maybe a photo of the two of you

 

 

 

 

 

*********

 

 

 

 Bring home one small, unexpected gift each week.

 

 

 

 

 

*********

 

 

 

 

 

 Write a classic, romantic, passionate, handwritten, heartfelt love letter. Most adults haven't written a love letter since high school. Why not? Have we lost our youthful idealism, or have we just gotten lazy?

 

 

 

 

 

*********

 

 

 

 When traveling, give your partner a bouquet of roses; one rose for each day that you'll be away. Attach a note that says something like this: "These three roses represent the three days I'll be away from you. They also symbolize the love, joy, and laughter we share together."

 

 

 

 

 

*********

 

 

 

Say "I love you" at least one times a day

 

 

 

 

 

*********

 

 

 

 Guys: Surprise her by performing one of her chores for her. (And not something easy like carrying the groceries in from the car, but something that requires some time and effort -- like cooking all) the meals over a weekend, or cleaning the entire house.

 

 

 

 

 

*********

 

 

 

8. Ladies: Send him a letter sealed with a kiss. (Use your reddest lipstick.)

 

 

 

 

 

*********

 

 

 

 Hold hands

 

 

 

 

 

*********

 

 

 


:: موضوعات مرتبط: Satire(طنز)
نویسنده : Zabih Javanbakht
تاریخ : سه شنبه هشتم مرداد 1387
زمان : 9:19
A Funny Talk
|

 BRILLIANT WAYS GIRLS TURN GUYS DOWN!
 

HE: I'm a photographer I've been looking for a face like yours

 

SHE: I’m a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours

 

 

 

 

 

HE: May I have the pleasure of this dance

 

SHE: No, I'd like to have some pleasure too

 

 

 

HE: How did you get to be so beautiful

 

SHE: I must have been given your share

 

 

 

 

 

HE: Will you come out with me this Saturday

 

SHE: Sorry! I'm having a headache this weekend

 

 

 

HE: Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out

 

SHE: Okay, get out

 

 

 

 

 

HE: I think I could make you very happy

 

SHE: Why? Are you leaving

 

 

 

HE: What would you say if I asked u to marry me

 

SHE: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time

 

 

 

 

 

HE: Can I have your name

 

SHE: Why, don't you already have one

 

 

 

HE: Shall we go and see a film

 

SHE: I've already seen it

 

 

 

HE: Do you think it was fate that brought us together

 

SHE: Nah, it was plain bad luck

 

 

 

HE: Where have you been all my life

 

SHE: Hiding from you.

 

 

 

 

 

HE: Haven't I seen you someplace before?

 

SHE: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

 

 

 

HE: Is this seat empty?

 

SHE: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

 

 

 

HE: So, what do you do for a living?

 

SHE: I'm a female impersonator.

 

 

 

HE: Hey baby, what's your sign?

 

SHE: Do not enter.



:: موضوعات مرتبط: Satire(طنز)
نویسنده : Zabih Javanbakht
تاریخ : جمعه چهارم مرداد 1387
زمان : 20:23
MEN & WOMEN
|

MEN & WOMEN

Men:

 
 
1. All men are extremely busy.
 
 
 2. Although they are so busy, they still have time for women.
 
 
 3. Although they have time for women, they don't really care for

them. 

 
 
 4. Although they don't really care for them, they always have one

around.

 
 
 5. Although they always have one around them, they always try

their luck with others.

 
 
 6. Although they try their luck with others, they get really pissed off

if the woman leaves them.

 
 
 7. Although the woman leaves them they still don't learn from their

mistakes and still try their luck with others.

 
 
 
 
Women:
 
 
1. The most important thing for a woman is financial security.
 
 
 2. Although this is so important, they still go out and buy expensive

clothes and stuff.

 
 
 3. Although they always buy expensive clothes, they never have

something to wear.

 
 
 4. Although they never have something to wear, they always dress

beautifully.

 
 
 5. Although they always dress beautifully, their clothes are always

just "an old rag".

 
 
 6. Although their clothes are always "just an old rag", they still

expect you to compliment them.

 
 







:: موضوعات مرتبط: Satire(طنز)
نویسنده : Zabih Javanbakht
تاریخ : جمعه بیست و هشتم تیر 1387
زمان : 7:58
WHY AM I MARRIED?
|

اون اوایل چند تا جک انگلیسی گذاشه بودم.....

حالا می خوام بعد از مدتها یه مطلب طنز و بسیار جالب در مورد ازدواج

تو این پست بذارم. ... قابل توجه بر و بچ دم بخت.....!!!

WHY AM I MARRIED?


You have two choices in life:
You can stay single and be miserable,
or get married and wish you were dead.

At a cocktail party, one woman said to another,
"Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"
"Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."
A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds:
"Husband Wanted".
Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing:
"You can have mine."
When a woman steals your husband,
there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.

A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished

A little boy asked his father,
"Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
A young son asked,
"Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa
a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad replied, "That happens in every country, son."

Then there was a woman who said,
"I never knew what real happiness was until I got married,
and by then, it was too late."

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

If you want your spouse to listen and
pay strict attention to every word you say -- talk in your sleep.

Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

First guy says, "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy remarks, "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

"A Woman's Prayer:
Dear Lord, I pray for: Wisdom, To understand a man , to Love and to forgive him , and for patience, For his moods. Because Lord, if I pray for Strength I'll just beat him to death"

AND NOW FOR THE FAVORITE!!!

Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.

So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy."

The blind man replies, "If you had put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus, so shut the hell up."

 


:: موضوعات مرتبط: Satire(طنز)
نویسنده : Zabih Javanbakht
تاریخ : سه شنبه هجدهم تیر 1387
زمان : 21:15
English is a crazy language!
| | ادامه مطلب...

Let's face it -- English is a crazy  language!

 

 There's no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither

apple nor pine in pineapple..............

 


 



:: موضوعات مرتبط: Satire(طنز)
نویسنده : Zabih Javanbakht
تاریخ : دوشنبه هشتم بهمن 1386
زمان : 18:56
Humor writing about pronunciation
| | ادامه مطلب...

Humor writing about pronunciation

Marriage studies findings

 

A recent survey done by marriage experts shows that the most common form of marriage proposal these days consists of the words: "You're what?!?"

 

Dearest creature in creation,

 

Study English pronunciation.

 

I will teach you in my verse

Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and wors..............................

 



:: موضوعات مرتبط: Satire(طنز)
نویسنده : Zabih Javanbakht
تاریخ : یکشنبه چهارم شهریور 1386
زمان : 18:7
Collection of Short Jokes.
| | ادامه مطلب...

Last night I went to a 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, "Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours." He goes: "Not in a row!" (Steven Wright)

Here is our Collection of Short Jokes..............



:: موضوعات مرتبط: Satire(طنز)

نویسنده : Zabih Javanbakht
تاریخ : یکشنبه چهارم شهریور 1386
زمان : 18:6
:: Disclaimer
:: اگر زبان انگلیسی تان ضعیف است!
:: دوزبانه بودن
:: تمركز، مهمترين اصل در يادگيري زبان
:: آزمون Listening
:: 21 پيشنهاد براي يادگيري سريع تر زبان
:: چند نكته درباره آزمون تافل
:: چطور تافل بگيريم؟
:: 5 سايت براي سنجش دايره لغت زبان
:: وبسايت ها و منابع آموزشي براي يادگيري زبان
:: 3 Tools to Overcome Your Fear of Public Speaking
:: 10توصیه برای عملکرد بهتر در بخش گفتاري آيلتس
:: 10 راه تضميني بهبود دايره لغات شما
:: ليست بهترين منابع پادكست رايگان آموزش زبان انگلیسی
:: 5 نکته در یادگیری زبان انگلیسی با فیلم


 

قالب وبلاگ

هاست لينوكس

مرجع راهنمای وبلاگ نویسان

سفارش طراحی اختصاصی قالب وب سايت و قالب وبلاگ

طراحي وب

شارژ ایرانسل

فال حافظ