The Teacher
 
The teacher taught; the
Pupils never bought the notion.
Now distraught, he
Slammed the door,
Stomped the floor.
The noise, the
Whole commotion,
Brought the Head.

‘You’re off to bed without a drink! ’
He boomed.
‘Cripes’ the teacher cried.
‘You mean that I’m denied
My nightly bottle?
My comfy whisky?
I’m afraid
I’ll have throttle you –
Risky, true –
To see you dead! ’

By now the kids had left the room –
They were smoking,
Drunken, singing in the bogs.
‘Bloody dogs – all of them! ’
The teacher screamed,
Dropping the Head –
His face completely cyanotic;
The situation now chaotic.

‘That’ll do’ the teacher laughed,
‘Yes I’m daft – but I’m alive
To teach again – survive the bitter
Challenges, laying down the
Lesson to the brats.
For I’m the boss – they’re the rats!
I’ll make them take exams
In late of night – what a fright
They’ll have. But first I’ll round ‘em up to
To shift the Head.’

They dumped him in the garden shed
In which the janitor stored the mower
And other paraphernalia
Used to keep the grounds in order.
The kids were good – no disorder
While they did the master’s evil deed.

The teacher smiled – he’d been freed
From persecution, diminution
Of his rank – a lowly grade
Of scholar.
‘Thank you, pupils,
What an honour, now the Head has gone, ’
He claimed.

‘But now I have to see to your
Extinction too. After all, you
Never listen – never do!
And so it’s time for you to earn
A just reward – a trip to Hell! ’

But then the kids were luckily saved –
Yes, you guessed - the clanging bell,
Ending period two. Depraved and
Sweating like a pig, the teacher
Froze – took a swig of gin –
The Deputy Head was coming over.
Teacher had to wipe him out
As well!

The pupils took advantage – scampered,
Screaming. Finely poised, the Deputy
Crooned: ‘What’s the meaning, Teacher–?
And where’s the Head, suspicious creature?
Answers came from Teacher’s cane –
The heavy-duty rod was in attack –
Poor old Deputy staggered back –
A massive blow had shook him badly –
Sadly, as he fell, he bashed his skull
Upon the ground – and that is where
The janitor found his body – what a
Shoddy sight indeed!

But then the pupils realised that
If they called upon the staff
To see the teacher one-to-one,
The kids would end up having fun,
Since all the school would have to close,
As all the staff would come to blows with
Psycho-Sam –
The name the kids had given to this
Strange demented man.

So that is what they did –
The faculty, sequentially,
Exterminated,
The kids were rid of staff, and
Free to roam, though
The teacher lost all interest, and
Drove himself back home.

He sunk a litre bottle of gin,
Sung a song about the sin
Committed – emitting a din –
And bearing hideous grin, he
Wondered where he’d even been
Upon that cold and brutal day.

Back at school, in disarray,
The kids were drunk again,
Smoking, watching adult films –
At least they weren’t a bane
To any staff –
What a laugh!


Copyright © Mark R Slaughter 2010